November 15, 2012

recycled religion

I often label myself as too dramatic. I find myself thinking too hard, feeling too much and longing for something greater than what seems possible to fulfill my immediate emptiness. 

It's been labeled as inappropriate to act out on these impulses. I read an excerpt from Oswald Chambers and he says 'Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different.'


How many people I know and how many I have seen come and go from Jesus. I think of those who enroll in an internship through an organization or church in hopes that it'll make them feel 'good'. In the end it's inevitable that some, those who put their faith in humans looking for the immediate gratification, will eventually be let down. Being part of something man-made and resting their intimacy on nothing more than people who like they do, have faults. What saddens me is that both the student and teacher have often allowed their personal experiences to hurl themselves onto the person nearest to them forgetting exactly what they were to begin with, personal experiences. I've done it and am as guilty as any other, I've not rested in the peace that God changed my life in a way not comprehendible. I've tried to understand completely and put into words that which was not intended, attempting to relate it to another persons circumstances and situation. In this I am ashamed and apologize deeply.


I believe Jesus pursues us desperately and daily and I believe we tend to ignore this intentionally. I've never wrecked on my bike and enjoyed it thoroughly. In the same, healing of the mind and soul will never 'feel good'. It'll never fulfill our impulsiveness. Jesus can and will bring immediate gratification but I wouldn't bank on it because while He's busy teaching us, we're busy being doubtful, pissing on the carpet in a fit. Sad isn't it, not getting what you want and what you didn't need?


Now don't get me wrong, not every Christian is religious and not every human is failing at searching for things that fulfill them, in fact just the opposite which is why I have no argument to those who seem happy. I don't doubt they love their place in life and the people who are engaged in it. I've been there and only look back with gratefulness. I just doubt they've broadened their input and genuinely been accepting to the thought that Jesus historically existed and that His Holy Spirit really does overwhelm you with life changing love; that's all.