January 16, 2012

Valley of Ditches

I apologize for lost time, for empty blog promises that lead into deep condemnation of eternal unfulfillment of blog posts...

I've moved from Idaho. I assume that 99.9% of you would have already caught onto that since I'm really only speaking to prior Facebook friends, etc. and just seem to fancy the idea that a handful of foreign citizens eat my words; even somewhat of an audience in another time zone would be satisfactory. I suppose I'm just bitter about my unpopularity and need not be. Damn it.

With moving to Seattle I moved forward with the intention to open myself to newness. Newness being very broad I know but that's really all I'm looking for. New people, surroundings, passions, and opportunities. Made sense at the time and quite frankly still does. I'm not one to strive for change in much more than my surroundings but I was hoping for an entire revamp of life that comes with moving and feel fortunate to have done so without fleeing from anything worth mentioning.

I'm no expert. In fact I hardly know anything and the more I realize this, the unschooled mind of mine is fairly worthless in certain areas. I feel like life is in a constant state of development and often I'm not really allowing it to develop me. Like showing up for a basketball game without a pair of Nikes I feel like the world should pause for a week while I try to figure out half of what's happening. In this moment and these next days i'll be faced with uncertainty but I find security in that, i've seen that I work best when I'm on my toes and uncertainty only causes humans to strive for what is at hand. Keeping in mind that what is to be determined is simply intangible therefore nonexistent.

I'm not one to stand by. I had my time, I chose to unproductively watch the world pass me by as a by standard of addiction. Not for the last 3 years and never again will I waste such time. I can't and God has made it apparent that it'll be easier for me to die than not to attempt to spend my time wisely. I've got ideas for days and like I've said before, we can have all the greatest ideas but that's all they'll be till we can develop and produce. Sometimes I'll daydream as if I was speaking to a classroom full of high school students. Seniors probably and I'm giving them a hypothetical scenario, something with struggle and failure and loneliness. A scenario where it comes to a point in their journey where they need to decide, they suddenly wake up and find themselves in the most important decision of their lives: 'will I go for it or will I quit' becomes the end-all decision. The funny thing about the scenario, they don't realize that the question only leaves with intention to come back 7 fold. I think I'm speaking in front of a class of Seniors because I realize that it's the age in which I sort of asked myself the same question for the first time. I'm speaking to them with a bit of hope and criticism. "No one is there to really support you" I tell them. "Even your best of friends have seemed to chose to give up, making you, in a sense, the savior of them all."

I encourage you who may read this to not waver from where you stand. When someone tells themselves that they're insignificant then insignificant they become. I really have been feeling that since the move I have the capability of doing anything I want. It's stupid and ridiculously naive to say but I've come to believe it and not only to do whatever gives me fulfillment but to be the best at it. Not until I came into relationship with Jesus did I ever think 'artistically' or really believe I was someone who possessed creativity, but I do. We do. We all have it in us and if this punk alcoholic 5 yr senior can sit here and have full confidence in myself and Jesus, that together we'll change the world; well then I'd say you have very good odds.

Joshua Monteith/MOOR pictures

(tonights writings inspired by of course, Jesus but also this husband/wife Old Horse Coral HERE who is a friend of a friend. Be blessed people)

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