November 15, 2012

recycled religion

I often label myself as too dramatic. I find myself thinking too hard, feeling too much and longing for something greater than what seems possible to fulfill my immediate emptiness. 

It's been labeled as inappropriate to act out on these impulses. I read an excerpt from Oswald Chambers and he says 'Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different.'

How many people I know and how many I have seen come and go from Jesus. I think of those who enroll in an internship through an organization or church in hopes that it'll make them feel 'good'. In the end it's inevitable that some, those who put their faith in humans looking for the immediate gratification, will eventually be let down. Being part of something man-made and resting their intimacy on nothing more than people who like they do, have faults. What saddens me is that both the student and teacher have often allowed their personal experiences to hurl themselves onto the person nearest to them forgetting exactly what they were to begin with, personal experiences. I've done it and am as guilty as any other, I've not rested in the peace that God changed my life in a way not comprehendible. I've tried to understand completely and put into words that which was not intended, attempting to relate it to another persons circumstances and situation. In this I am ashamed and apologize deeply.

I believe Jesus pursues us desperately and daily and I believe we tend to ignore this intentionally. I've never wrecked on my bike and enjoyed it thoroughly. In the same, healing of the mind and soul will never 'feel good'. It'll never fulfill our impulsiveness. Jesus can and will bring immediate gratification but I wouldn't bank on it because while He's busy teaching us, we're busy being doubtful, pissing on the carpet in a fit. Sad isn't it, not getting what you want and what you didn't need?

Now don't get me wrong, not every Christian is religious and not every human is failing at searching for things that fulfill them, in fact just the opposite which is why I have no argument to those who seem happy. I don't doubt they love their place in life and the people who are engaged in it. I've been there and only look back with gratefulness. I just doubt they've broadened their input and genuinely been accepting to the thought that Jesus historically existed and that His Holy Spirit really does overwhelm you with life changing love; that's all.

May 27, 2012

John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

I want that life, I want that God in my life and I want others to see that God in my life.

May 5, 2012

the ARCHER and his friends simplicity.

I had a friend of mine, Kevin Reese, draw a picture for me that i'll never forget. He said life is like a Archer drawing an arrow. He said when God wants to use you He choses you, draws you back and waits to release you. The part about waiting to release, as the Archer waits for His target really got to me. I have a hard time waiting on things and although its said all good things come in time I wish it weren't so. I have yet to meet a soul that looks forward to the DMV or a hungry individual that would rather cook a meal than microwave one. I want to be a noble film maker but become discouraged when I see others around me with opening opportunity. No one wants to wait.

I talked in my last post about reminiscing and the power that's within ones past. I guess if it was possible or even constructive i'd just lay in bed every night thinking about what has been and how i'd prefer it to be once again, like the old days. A sort of thought process that extracts the good from the past and compiles it into one fancy movie tricking myself into thinking that these so called 'good ol days' were simply good, that I have forgotten about the struggle and loneliness and heart ache i've had to endure. I don't want to exaggerate that which has made me stronger but there truly has been some trials and tribulation. I read recently a short one liner that i'll always remember, "a person without a story is a person who doesn't exist." Profound don't you think? Confirms my theory that everywhere there is someone with a story that hasn't been told and that in the end we'd all be able to relate in one area or another with that person. You see the beauty about story telling is that it's an emotional painting of truth, that someone's experiences and opinions can be grasped or forgotten, agreed or disagreed with and that in itself is beautiful. How I so badly want to tell my story, and how so desperately I want to share others.

To end I want to highlight friends and colleagues of mine. Glenn Landberg and Andrew Ford began a blog to do exactly this, tell stories. They've taken two things in which I relate and love, story telling and bicycles and combined them into one. A NEW BIKE is a blog where they post weekly a different individual who tells a little something about themselves and their bike. The simplicity and effectiveness is amazing and I can't but help and applaud their originality. Well done boys.

So take time, sit in one spot before you walk out your doorway this afternoon and really give a good thought as to what you want to do. I'm such an advocate for doing what you love to do and doing everything within your will to make these things come to fruition. God really wants to bless those who are trustworthy with what they've been given. My feet, legs, desires, and hobbies. In one way or another they're all still functioning and working together to be a blessing to me and those around me. Nike hit it big when they began the JUST DO IT campaign...

April 27, 2012


know your roots.

Don't forget where you came from. You find yourself in certain places, instances, situations and surrounded by extraordinary surroundings. That time of the day when you just can't help but be blessed by circumstances. I've been admiring where I came from lately. Although it may seem that I say that referencing one particular place, I say it in a more broad spectrum. I say it referring to last month and I say it deriving from a trailer park, I think of the jail cells and in respect of how we paid our dues surviving the car crash. I can't help but want this sort of remembrance for others. It wouldn't be healthy to dwell in the past but it wouldn't do us much good to not remember it. Often I feel a stirring of the spirit you could say. I can't explain it and I assume a psychiatrist could diagnose "the problem" but it's an attachment of emotions to people, smells, sights. They're the sort of things that prompt me to call my mom or message an old facebook friend, I can literally go back in my imagination and sit on tubbs with Nick and Joe practically tasting the 'Delectable Drank' as we discuss the last skatepark brawl.

I guess the reason i'm so reminiscent is because I'm away from all that right now. The way the future looks it seems as though i'll always be away from the origin of these memories. I really appreciate where I came from. I appreciate the trailer park, for being the fat kid, my parents divorce, my rebelliousness, and how Jesus has legitimately became the only homie I've known to be true. Don't kid yourself.

Nick and I 10 years after meeting in the trailer park.
Who knew we'd still be doing the same crap 10 years
later. Riding bikes, making vids, chillin hard.

February 24, 2012

Seattle in 20 frames;

I've never done a post with much more than 5 photos at a time so here, now, you will be viewing my life in 20 B&W images taken over the course of the last 3 months here in Seattle. Hit em!



Of course I live in Seattle and of course
I took a space needle picture (or 3) but
this one is as goes: 5 years prior to this
photo and in the exact 2ft proximity Tim
Darlington and I took the same photo. I 
thought that in remembrance and/or the
sheer enjoyment of making an insignificant
photograph sentimental I'd need to capture this. 
"Don't hate me 'cuz I'm beautiful."-Space Needle

 "Stop. I know what you're going to say and before you say it
find me another Seattle picture that looks similar to this one."

 I've decided that in one way or another I'll document each bike I own.
Which brings me to the fact that I don't actually own this bike but
have brought it under my wing, taken care of it and brought it back
to life. Thanks Brad (roommate) for letting me shred it for the next while.
(not an actual website)

 It took me about 20 mins of standing on the sidewalk in the
drizzle to get this one. People looking at me as if I was
contemplating suicide.




Matthew Pew; a good friend, the man who provided the opening to
live where I do and my first subject to single-light bedroom portraits.

shots from the hip; riding the bus isn't may first choice
of transportation but the dogs were awesome and
the dude who owned them equally as great. trying to
be discrete I set my camera in my lap and let 'er fly.
butt shots!

 Stephen Sturges; what you can't tell about this photo is just
about everything. The cold, the rain, and low light conditions.
Maybe that's why I like it so much. Stephen, checking angles.
Tyler Jenicek; I've been filming on/off with Tyler for about 3
years now and it never fails to come with good vibes.
The kid knows how to produce and is in my top 5 human
beings to film with. Stoked he made it to Seattle.

 Not that I've been here much longer than 3 months
but to me, this is a fairly decent depiction of Seattle.
Overcast, urban, and people chillin hard in random places.
Where's the hipster?

 Brianna Welk;
aka Breezies aka Welk-bot aka Shnauzer aka My Girlfriend.
At Ladro, pretending not to feel awkwardly photographed.

located 10ft above I-5 this trail is one of many favorite short
stretches of bike trail.

 If you know Bri, you know she likes to sleep. Ferry nap.

 Joey Ozol; a fellow film junkie and skatepark addict.
i've always been stoked on Joey and how we conducts himself, always
makes me realize how angry and opionionated I really am haha. 
Here he sizes up the backcrook while Tyler stacks the clips.
Again, super glad he made it out on the trip.
Back Crook. Vancouver, BC

 Tyler drops, Marginal Way status.

January 27, 2012

Arcade Fire

I don't consider myself artsy or trendy but can see certain artistic and trendy qualities I posses. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing but because I can say I do it out of sincerity and honesty then i'll be fine with it.

I came across the band ARCADE FIRE about 5 years ago. A bmx company named LOTEK put 2 of their songs in a Vancouver, BC edit they did and I fell in love. In fact watching that video takes me right back to Keystone and Marborols at Rob Crumps house. Good times. Shortly after and since i've refrenced ARCADE FIRE as my favorite modern day band. Their music has always appealed to me and even today as they've become somewhat of a 'trendy band' to listen to I justify it through the fact that I've known then and been jammin' their music since before Neon Bible (their 3rd and best album) came out.

Here's art from a musicical and visual perspective. One of my favorite songs of all time:

January 20, 2012

La liberté. Partie 1:

FREEDOM ‎[free-duhm]: the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint.

I've really be making a hard attempt at trying to not offend people lately. I can come off so opinionated and arrogant and I don't think it's right. Yes there's a part of me and a part to all of this that I really don't have to give a %&$# but it's also easier to not care than to take into consideration other peoples thoughts and egos. (this statement revealing that I have one of my own). You can't judge a book by it's cover and that's why at the age of 40 i'd like to be covered head to toe with tattoos. (point proven)

I have to write more often so bare with me. I apologize ahead of time for sucking at it but in order to get better i've really come to realize I need to exercise the ability more often. No one is spending hundreds of dollars on shoes and entry fees to run the Boston Marathon without having trained before hand and if I expect to go to school for Journalism this next year then why would I not get a jump on the program? I'm sorry if that offended you, I didn't mean it I swear...

As you all know I'm very fond of myself and my ideologies. I legitimately take pride in being able to extract them from my head, down my neck, bypassing the heart as often as possible and through my arms into these hands. It's a passion the Lord has given me and ever since a friend of mine (Kayla Blythe) told me I should begin journaling about 4 years ago I've seen it very therapeutic to my undiagnosed ADD. Or ADHD? HIV? Whatever my diagnosis is; it's detrimental to my health this i'm sure of.

So I had a thought, many of them actually but to generalize them and push them through a funnel i'd say that the thought was about FREEDOM. And FREEDOM I am fond of. I told a friend a few years back that I would take a bus into Canada, have a beer, then take off into the wilderness for a few days by my lonesome. Dreadfully, it never happened but just the ambition I had and the originality of it really stired something inside me. Jesus is the ultimate freedom and has shown me He's the only true sense of being free, in relation with Him and so through this relationship i've found that my soul has swayed back and forth in burden and weightlessness. He never said I'd always feel free but He did say i'd have the ability to be. Anyway, I've come to realize that freedom isn't just being lonesome or single or away from the city. It's actually a sort of state of mind, and for me and those of us who call ourselves Christians it comes with things like peace and creativity and drive to do something better. Freedom has, to me, become relationship with Jesus. Sounds foreign I know and I honestly don't expect you to understand until you've given your life to Jesus but it's just...legit.

I had a conversation with Glenn yesterday/today about relationship. I told him that I think often that if I had the opportunity to do whatever I felt was best that more often than not it was by myself. I told him that my battle with the thought of not having Bri or a girl in general in my life is prevalent but almost unfathomable, and how it sort of angers me. If I can't see myself lonely then have I become dependent on other people? Have I fallen victim to a sort of 'healthy' codependency and what will the future look like? I can't answer those questions (hence why I ask them) but what I can't tell you are my desires. I feel terrible that you've read another blog posting about me going on an adventure, doing what my heart desires and never returning. I apologize for this but it is what its become and I can hardly help it. Shit, in fact I can hardly think straight after this kind of therapy. But it is therapy so I'm blessed by it, blessed to have such clarity through simple thoughts. I hope you can do the same. Cheers.

Joshua Monteith/MOORpictures

January 16, 2012

Valley of Ditches

I apologize for lost time, for empty blog promises that lead into deep condemnation of eternal unfulfillment of blog posts...

I've moved from Idaho. I assume that 99.9% of you would have already caught onto that since I'm really only speaking to prior Facebook friends, etc. and just seem to fancy the idea that a handful of foreign citizens eat my words; even somewhat of an audience in another time zone would be satisfactory. I suppose I'm just bitter about my unpopularity and need not be. Damn it.

With moving to Seattle I moved forward with the intention to open myself to newness. Newness being very broad I know but that's really all I'm looking for. New people, surroundings, passions, and opportunities. Made sense at the time and quite frankly still does. I'm not one to strive for change in much more than my surroundings but I was hoping for an entire revamp of life that comes with moving and feel fortunate to have done so without fleeing from anything worth mentioning.

I'm no expert. In fact I hardly know anything and the more I realize this, the unschooled mind of mine is fairly worthless in certain areas. I feel like life is in a constant state of development and often I'm not really allowing it to develop me. Like showing up for a basketball game without a pair of Nikes I feel like the world should pause for a week while I try to figure out half of what's happening. In this moment and these next days i'll be faced with uncertainty but I find security in that, i've seen that I work best when I'm on my toes and uncertainty only causes humans to strive for what is at hand. Keeping in mind that what is to be determined is simply intangible therefore nonexistent.

I'm not one to stand by. I had my time, I chose to unproductively watch the world pass me by as a by standard of addiction. Not for the last 3 years and never again will I waste such time. I can't and God has made it apparent that it'll be easier for me to die than not to attempt to spend my time wisely. I've got ideas for days and like I've said before, we can have all the greatest ideas but that's all they'll be till we can develop and produce. Sometimes I'll daydream as if I was speaking to a classroom full of high school students. Seniors probably and I'm giving them a hypothetical scenario, something with struggle and failure and loneliness. A scenario where it comes to a point in their journey where they need to decide, they suddenly wake up and find themselves in the most important decision of their lives: 'will I go for it or will I quit' becomes the end-all decision. The funny thing about the scenario, they don't realize that the question only leaves with intention to come back 7 fold. I think I'm speaking in front of a class of Seniors because I realize that it's the age in which I sort of asked myself the same question for the first time. I'm speaking to them with a bit of hope and criticism. "No one is there to really support you" I tell them. "Even your best of friends have seemed to chose to give up, making you, in a sense, the savior of them all."

I encourage you who may read this to not waver from where you stand. When someone tells themselves that they're insignificant then insignificant they become. I really have been feeling that since the move I have the capability of doing anything I want. It's stupid and ridiculously naive to say but I've come to believe it and not only to do whatever gives me fulfillment but to be the best at it. Not until I came into relationship with Jesus did I ever think 'artistically' or really believe I was someone who possessed creativity, but I do. We do. We all have it in us and if this punk alcoholic 5 yr senior can sit here and have full confidence in myself and Jesus, that together we'll change the world; well then I'd say you have very good odds.

Joshua Monteith/MOOR pictures

(tonights writings inspired by of course, Jesus but also this husband/wife Old Horse Coral HERE who is a friend of a friend. Be blessed people)