I'll make this quick. I won't apologize for having not posted for the last 3 months nor will I feel sorry because I have the slightest idea that no one really reads this crap anyway. If I had psychological problems then i'd consider this some form of therapy. If I had an anxiety disorder (which I think I may) then i'd call this a stress relief. If I was trendy (which I also seem to believe in disbelief) then i'd say that hot-damn, I think this blog is pretty freakin' tight. Either/or you don't care and neither do I. It is what it is and will be no matter what title we put to it. Very much like who we are. But don't think i'm about to get deep. Because i'm not. Even though I kind of want to. This music is setting the mood and i've got to push through. Ian McIntosh is definitely some 'mood setting sound.' So listen to the Rev I got today. Or more just a realization. Revelation, Realization, Liberation.
I was writing in my journal this afternoon. One of those "the world seems to be revolving around me" type of scenarios. It was wild. My americano, the pen I was using, the people at work. They all seemed to pay close attention to my exact motion. When I paused to turn and look at whoever was entering the coffee shop I kid you not they were already in deep eye contact with me. Every story being told in the foreground of the grinder I had been part of, the drunk guy, the cheating boyfriend, a business meeting, I seemed to have related to all of them and not only a relation but I saw them. I noticed the plant in the SW corner of the room and how the flowers seemed to be blooming too soon for the time of season. Though I had never seen most these people in my life it didn't matter. They were there, I was there, we had experienced the same things. Anyway, this wasn't a myth and the thoughts in my head were as real as the hat on my head. Why was I feeling these things? Why was everything so relative to my situation the moment I could care less? Why in a time of tranquility I felt relativity? I believe at times, when we've thought all there is to think we're struck with opportunity. An opportunity to listen. In Proverbs it says 'even the foolish man seems wise when he shuts his mouth'. That's heavy. Now I'm not saying these people were talking to me either. If anything I was evesdropping and if they had known what I was doing their nasty looks and grunts would have been enough to send a drop in my droors. But what I am saying is that I think at times as people and christians specifically we get discouraged and timid because we feel as though we 'don't connect'. I'm guilty to the square root power of a thousand. I'm timid, not outgoing, and extremely satisfied with being alone most of the time but it doesn't work that way all the time. When it comes down to it i've been called to make disciples of the nations. When he says nations I think Jesus was refering to priority. My friends, my friends friends, my community, my church then when we're ready to put big boy pants on; the nations. Agree or disagree you'll have to agree that we all learned how to crawl before we ran.
I met these kids at this birthday party last night who I could see becoming nearly best friends with. I've seen them around for years but never taken the time to talk to really any of them. Whether they were drunk or high last night the fact is I was getting more hugs and high fives for just laughing with them than i've gotten in years. That's right, NON CHRISTIAN, UNBELIEVING, HEATHENS; and the only relevancy being that we like coffee and vinyl and art and well, actually there was a lot of relevancy. Our lives almost paralleled in a sense and the more I talked with them about the right to bare arms and smoke weed medicinally the more I so deeply desired for them to know the Lord. I can't just sit back and watch anymore. I can't let people buy their BOS on a daily basis and love them to hell. If all we do is love someone and talk with them like we're completely interested in what they're saying ending the conversation with 'I love you man' then who are we? Have gone to the nations and made disciples? I love and hate that phrase 'love them to hell'. Mostly because it's the brutal truth but also because it's that cold splash of water that'll wake you up if you truly call yourself a Christ follower. But who am I?
I am an uneducated kid from Post Falls. I gave my life to the Lord 2 years ago. I've got no degree or scholastic upbringing. I don't say these things to push them down your throat nor do I say them to push conviction upon you who may read them. I just say them because they're what is on my heart and with revelation through my every day life I only want to share it with you. I'm not sure where in the Bible is says this but it says "He equips the called not calls the equipped". Being a good person won't get you anything but a false sense of belonging. Come, broken hearted, because the more insignificant we make ourselves the greater room there is for God to get himself a real, true disciple. Religion is dead. I want something I can feel. Proof in my own life that the Lord has provision over it. I don't practice what I preach I preach what I live, as well as I possibly can.