July 26, 2009

improv and a picture

I've not time but to throw
up down we'll whirl it down
with hopes for a bounce
shattered without floors

today is a past
we cannot pass
a fragile state of empty
that's sure to be last

last in the line
but not to our pulse
true to the mind
and last to have wine

the first shall be last
the last shall be first
the ups can be downs
to be hidden behind frowns

i wrote on a day
where the lame man had lain
to my surprise his hand had been kept
kept his own way

i spoke of a heart
she was attached near the end
end of that world
that since has been pined

his mind was as gold
dull in the dark
but bright in the light
by his friend old as bark

her feet, destine to fall
the mind, as nothing at all
swipe through the space
be not quick to fall

i'll pray for them both
till the end of my time
and there at the end
they'll get to rewind

appropriately so.

I've been going to BFC Monday nights for close to 8 months now. It's like meeting up with your favorite family member if they were multiplied by 35. 35 uncle Ron's or 35 aunty Karen's, just one unique way to think of us. Here I took this photo of Jesse Mays at Jesse Mays. I remember he wasn't searching for any particular passage for any particular reason beside just to do it. The glare off the table and color of the table cloth take me right back to those winter monday nights.

July 23, 2009

film > phone

Some days I wake up tired. Some mornings I wake up ready to take on the world and other Afternoons I wake up wondering why I had just slept until noon. Our lives, like the mornings we've began and the nights we've put to a close, are much different from one another, and sometimes my own thoughts and actions differ from one day to the next. You see the point i'm trying to get at and am doing a horrible job is that nothing is really concrete, your weight, what you prefer, how you dress, your current girlfriend, etc. at one point or another it could all change and before you know it Hot Topic's your current employer and Monsters are better tasting than coffee. Not likely but I've come to realize that anything's possible, and I mean literally.

As mentioned in my last post, I believe that the Lords put an aching desire in me to do something elsewhere. You see i've always wanted to move away and my reasoning for moving, like our lives, has changed a few different times. I can't tell you that I am for sure nor when but in a perfect world i'd be gone just before winter began and my return wouldn't be anytime in the late future. Considering we don't live in a perfect world I won't hold my breath.
Something i've had a literal obsession with the last 6 months is 35mm film. I love film. I love the old feel it gives to the person and surroundings and I love the fact that you can't really just lose your photos on a hardrive nor do you take random pictures of your friends throwing up in the toilet or looking super bro-ish on their boats. When taking a picture I believe that there's a recipe being stewed and brewed within our minds. A little, eye, heart, impulse. The picture phone or point and shoot being perfect examples of these pet-peeves and what I don't want to document my life highlights with.
I was looking through the first roll I had shot sometime in November of last year and I wanted to cry. If I get torn up over a few good times I had with a few good buddies of mine not even a year ago, fathom me looking at the same photos 10 years from now.

This is why I love pictures.

I thought i'd just start this off with my favorite photo out of the roll. The lens flare, the shadows, the flex, even the cracks in the road seem to make me spring a tear. Not to mention it was shot from the saddle of my fixie. Now there's a good photo-brew if I do say so myself.

I took this at my fathers wedding while he was waiting for his bride, Mimi, to enter the room and head down the isle. I get almost a farewell feeling when I see this, like the title to the photo could be "his final minutes" or something. For my father, it was momentous in so many ways and for my sisters and me, it was a little closer to a "sending the final kid to college" feeling.

I could either get really deep and relate the sign to our lives or I could not. Here on this day, probably sometime in mid January I took this because I was so immensely attracted to the sign having a bike on it. Most likely because the ice covered roads were depriving me from riding my own.

I'll give you 3 guesses why this photo both makes me laugh and ticks me off. (refer to my last paragraph) "it's time to cut the cake everyone!" I can't eat cake more than once a month and this piece set me straight for 3 months it was so rich. Get it, "so Rich".

Well Those are 4 of my more favorite photos from a roll that's been in slide form for quite a while. I've got plenty more including B&W and a video that I finished the other day so tune back in soon. Thanks everyone.

until then:

Sincerely, Joshua

July 5, 2009

Sunday 11:55pm

Things have been really gnarly lately. Living at the Triplex has always taken its toll but recently it's been in a different way. In the past it seemed as though I would become distant from my home because of the people that lived there, or person I should say. Lately it hasn't really been about that. I mean living with 3 other dudes, it's obvious that we all need our own time but these recent weeks have really been about the burning desire i've been getting. The thing i've been noticing about myself is that i've got A LOT of ambitions. I wish time could stand at a stand still and we'd all have the chance to do whatever we desired and never grew older or had responsibilities or needed money in order to carry them out. Ridiculous I know and i'm only being sarcastic but there is definitely truth behind that statement.
You see, these desires i've been getting, the itch to do something great have been occurring more often than not and not only do I want to do miraculous things, by my fathers will no doubt, but I feel as though my time has come to pick up and move on. Move away, to a place filled with beauty and good people but containing these things not on its cover but in its pages.
Talking to ourselves can be healthy because it's a way to enlighten ourselves and come to grips with things we otherwise my have not thought of. Talking to someone else, that truly cares, can increase the realization 10 fold i've began to, well, realize, causing our minds to ease off the throttle a bit and engage cruise control.
Jason Shadrick (Merit Owner) and I were talking the other day at the Shop and these, what shall we call them, 'Rules of Common Knowledge' persay, came to mind. I was getting the live feed from the Lord about how to look upon the matter of my moving away faster than I could spit out the words. I love God and how He works. What an awesome God we serve.

So to make sense out of no sense at all and a long story pretty freakin' short i've been praying about when I'll move to Tennessee. Nashville to be exact. I know you probably think i'm a nut case and question why of all places i'd move there but trust me, the wager between reasons to move and reasons to not is a million to one. I just have to get the Lord to ok that ONE that i'm still uncertain of. A step of faith.

I know pictures are a form of cover to be judging but I'd have to say it looks like a really nice place.

here's the verse Jason and I kept refering to during our discussion. One of my favorite and a beautiful reminder when my anxiety begins its incline.

Matthew 6:34
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

July 2, 2009

Thursday 11:15pm

I was thinking to myself the other day, what if I was to put all my eggs in just one basket, to make all that I am and all that I have into one particular passion. Video? BMX? Writing? or what about the very man that has saved me, Jesus?

I find this a very peculiar thought because although the Lord wants our all, He tends to show me this great return system He's running. I give my time in the morning and a majority of my thoughts during the day and He gives me life. A life unlike any other and a mind complex and confused within itself. He gives me passion to things I didn't know I was passionate about. Eyes to beauty i've never seen. A heart to hear only what they don't want me to know. Hands to create all this according to my specifications, specifications also given to me by God.

Now i'm not really trying to go anywhere with this beside stating exactly what had been on my mind. I find it hard to portray the exact things I see and feel through words but this also, I believe, in time will smooth itself out.

I enjoy attempting to make no sense while spilling words onto lines that don't exist because all that we see is what we see and not what He sees until He shows us the vision of what He wants to see which we'll not show until we see. Like referring tastes to food we've not tried and movies we've not yet wasted sleeping through but in turn will never sleep because we're too awake to involve the uninvolved.

Beginning tonight and ending a week from today i'll spill this anxiety I keep filling up with hours of thoughts, onto this blog. If you follow what i'm saying then cheers, if not then that's sort of why it is the way it is, more of a personal disposal of visions and think-theories.

till tomorrow.

signed, Joshua